The Sad Tales of Closet Abuse and Bullying, part 1.

Another teenager, Nigel Hardy committed suicide.

Nigel Hardy was a cheerleader.  Cheerleading, in the minds of some, is a sport for girls.  Our society is notorious for denigrating and/or objectifying anything feminine.  (Story for another blog post!)  I am not suggesting or implying that Nigel Hardy was a gay youth or in the closet.  However, with the prevaling ignorance in our society, a young man who is forced (his choice is taken away) to hide his sexual orientation is sad but understandable.   If the late Nigel Hardy was indeed gay, there was nothing at all wrong with that fact.  Neither was there anything wrong with his love for cheerleading.  (It is a sport that has significant risk and requires athleticism and strength.  Let someone throw you in the air and you trust they are going to be able to catch you!  Or you be able to catch them as they torpedo toward you.) 

What is wrong is the abuse that he suffered at the hands of bullies.  Bullying is not harmless child’s play.  It was reported that Nigel had just turned 13, placing him in middle school.  As a parent, I understand and remember the social challenges and internal awkwardness that my middle-schoolers experienced.  Any angst is compounded when the teen is trying to understand their sexuality if it falls into the category of gay, bi, trans, queer or alternative.  Sadly, Nigel Hardy took his own life after being suspended from school for fighting.  Supposedly, he was in a fight with someone who had been teasing him.  The specifics were not released, but this is a tragic story that has a familiar tone.  It is what I will call Closet Abuse.  Social pressures and a need or desire to fit into a larger group forces individuals to compartmentalize their lives in such a way that they live in a ‘closet’, until the pressure is too great, leading to some disastrous outcome.

If you agree that this type of ‘closet abuse’ needs to stop, than you can do something.  Use this family’s tragedy and other situations as teachable moments.  Explain to someone close to you, how important it is to offer the same acceptance and respect that they want from others.  Some call it the ‘golden rule’.  I find it to be Godly behavior taught in Matthew 7:12 of the Bible.  “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Basically, you treat people how you want to be treated.  How hard can it be to do this and teach it to our children?  It may take a conscious effort, but it is not difficult.  As Ghandi said, “be the change you want to see in the world.”  Will you join us?  Let me hear from you.

Eradicate ignorance one word at a time.

Why does being trans get such a bad rap?

Update 4/6/13 - The Jeff Probst website is not showing the video from the show I am referencing.  My apologies.  In its place, you can view a video where his guest, Dr. Bowers, a leading gender reassignment surgeon discusses the myths and truths about transgender people.

As a gay man, I would not want any of my civil rights to be violated or taken away from me.  Personally, I have not experienced discrimination as it relates to my sexual orientation, but many things could have bearing on that fact.  For one, I was previously married to a woman and lived a predominately heterosexual life.  Secondly, I still live in a heterosexual world.  I have many heterosexual friends and most people assume I am straight.  However, transgendered and transsexual individuals are oftentimes viewed and perceived with disdain and confusion.  Transgenderism can be confusing, no doubt, but transgendered people are still people.  I must confess that I have not quite understood them and wondered if they were dealing with some level of psychological abnormality.  I would never believe that someone would arbitrarily choose to change their gender, so the issue would have to be much deeper than that.  However, my eyes have been opened based on a story that Jeff Probst featured on his show.  He talked to a young man named Sam who was born female.  A few things on this show amazed me as I watched.  The first was how Sam described when he was in 3^rd grade, he “got it” when he learned about XX and XY chromosomes.  It became clear to him that his chromosome simply got ‘messed up’.  (I love the simplicity.)  Secondly, when pictures of Sam were shown on the show, it is so blatantly obvious that he has always been a ‘boy’.  No disrespect is intended here at all, but Sam looked like a little boy in girl’s clothes and a wig.  That look was a manifestation of something deep with him.  When he came on stage and the audience had a chance to see him, everything about him was so naturally masculine that I couldn’t believe it.  Click the link below.  You have to see it for yourself.  Tell me what you think!

A courageous transgendered boy named Sam 

Way to go Magic!!!

I am proud to be a dad! I love my kids with all of my heart. I am glad they love me unconditionally as well. This became even more evident when I recently came out to them as a gay man. My sons live in the heterosexist world of sports (college and high school). This can be a deterrent; however, they took the news in stride and reaffirmed their love for their old man.


What I am so excited about is one of my sons’ sports heroes, Magic Johnson. He has recently come out as the father of a gay son. USA Today reported on Magic speaking openly about his love and acceptance for his son, E.J. (Earvin Jr). (There are 3 videos in this link, so be sure to view all three of them.) He went on to state, as a co-owner of a sports team, his job is to support and protect any player that comes out. Furthermore, by example, he and his wife, Cookie Johnson are giving other parents of gay children, permission (if you will) to openly love and support their children. One of the concerns that I have always had, especially as an African American gay Christian, is the lack of support experienced by Black LGBT people from the church community. This post is not the forum to discuss the theological interpretations and misinterpretations of the Bible as it relates to the issue of homosexuality. (I promise I will discuss the issue in future posts.) Magic stated that he and his wife attend church ‘every Sunday’ and still the Johnson household loves and support E.J. for who and what he is. That is all anyone can ask for.

Magic and Cookie Johnson, I have always loved and admired both of you. The manner in which you have handled and spoken out on this issue has pushed my support of you to another level.

God Bless you both!!!