The Tales of Closet Abuse, part 2

What is the reason for Russell ‘Hollywood’ Simpson to put Kerry Rhodes on blast? 

As a gay man, he should understand the reasons why, Black men specifically, are relegated to the closet – right, wrong or indifferent.  Hollywood claims he is making Rhodes relevant by putting his name out there.  Rhodes is a football player who is a free agent!  A gay scandal is not going to get him a contract!  Stop playing boo!  There is a different motive here.  Kerry Rhodes sexuality IS his own business.  Why is it necessary for Rhodes to publicly acknowledge that he is gay?  How would that validate Russell Simpson if they were no longer together?  B.S.!  Obviously, Rhodes felt comfortable with PDA in certain situations around certain people.  That’s should have been enough.  Friends do hold other friend’s confidences.  Hollywood claims that Rhodes’ teammates were aware of his sexuality.  If so, isn’t that enough?  If these two were in ‘love’ or whatever, why couldn’t that be sufficient, given the climate in professional sports?  Rhodes denying his sexuality, is NOT outing himself.  That’s B.S.!  Rhodes was employed in a heterosexist and homophobic industry.  When we have ignorant comments made by public officials and other NFL players (and the awesome responses to them), it is understandable why Rhodes would keep his sexuality on a need-to-know basis.  Kerry, I support you.  I cannot say that you are gay, because I do not know you.  From the pictures floating around the Internet, I come to a different conclusion.  If, and when you do come out, there are plenty of people out there who will have your back. If you haven’t already, reach out to Brendon Ayanbadejo.

Attempting to ‘Out’ someone is such a public way, is another form of Closet Abuse.  We are locking people in these closets and then ripping the doors off.  Everyone who is around Rhodes or any other professional male athlete has heard, seen and understands the potential impact that a public admission of homosexuality can have on their career.  This pressure to keep their life compartmentalized, forces them to live in a ‘closet’, until the pressure is too great, leading to some disastrous outcome.  It is unfortunate that in these situations, someone else thinks it is their right or responsibility to disclose another’s personal information.  Wrong!  Hollywood knew who Rhodes was when he got into their ‘situation’. 

We know that Rhodes (if he is gay) is not the only gay professional male athlete.  Between statistics and the retired players who have come out, there has to be other active players who are also gay.  And again, there is nothing wrong with that!  One of these players is going to come out.  There will be media hype around it for a while and then it will be as normal as female reporters in the locker room and showers after the games!

The Sad Tales of Closet Abuse and Bullying, part 1.

Another teenager, Nigel Hardy committed suicide.

Nigel Hardy was a cheerleader.  Cheerleading, in the minds of some, is a sport for girls.  Our society is notorious for denigrating and/or objectifying anything feminine.  (Story for another blog post!)  I am not suggesting or implying that Nigel Hardy was a gay youth or in the closet.  However, with the prevaling ignorance in our society, a young man who is forced (his choice is taken away) to hide his sexual orientation is sad but understandable.   If the late Nigel Hardy was indeed gay, there was nothing at all wrong with that fact.  Neither was there anything wrong with his love for cheerleading.  (It is a sport that has significant risk and requires athleticism and strength.  Let someone throw you in the air and you trust they are going to be able to catch you!  Or you be able to catch them as they torpedo toward you.) 

What is wrong is the abuse that he suffered at the hands of bullies.  Bullying is not harmless child’s play.  It was reported that Nigel had just turned 13, placing him in middle school.  As a parent, I understand and remember the social challenges and internal awkwardness that my middle-schoolers experienced.  Any angst is compounded when the teen is trying to understand their sexuality if it falls into the category of gay, bi, trans, queer or alternative.  Sadly, Nigel Hardy took his own life after being suspended from school for fighting.  Supposedly, he was in a fight with someone who had been teasing him.  The specifics were not released, but this is a tragic story that has a familiar tone.  It is what I will call Closet Abuse.  Social pressures and a need or desire to fit into a larger group forces individuals to compartmentalize their lives in such a way that they live in a ‘closet’, until the pressure is too great, leading to some disastrous outcome.

If you agree that this type of ‘closet abuse’ needs to stop, than you can do something.  Use this family’s tragedy and other situations as teachable moments.  Explain to someone close to you, how important it is to offer the same acceptance and respect that they want from others.  Some call it the ‘golden rule’.  I find it to be Godly behavior taught in Matthew 7:12 of the Bible.  “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Basically, you treat people how you want to be treated.  How hard can it be to do this and teach it to our children?  It may take a conscious effort, but it is not difficult.  As Ghandi said, “be the change you want to see in the world.”  Will you join us?  Let me hear from you.

Eradicate ignorance one word at a time.

Prayers and Support

My prayers and condolences go out to the families, victims and loved ones for all who experienced loss and tragedy as a result of the Boston Marathon bombing, the flooding in the Midwest, the West, TX explosion and the earthquake in China. So much devastation in our world right now.

God Bless us all.